


I am Damaged

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bullying, Eating Disorders, F/M, Faked Suicide, Homophobia, M/M, Main Character Death, Murders made to look like suicide, Non-Explicit Sex, attempted suicide, based off Heathers the musical, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-17 04:39:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3515660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story based off of Heathers the Musical (not quite the same as the regular Heathers movie). Ray has been unpopular and bullied for the majority of his life, until he gets in with the group of popular girls. The only problem was that he hated the very people he was friends with. Enter Ryan, who believes he has a solution to all of that.</p><p>(The tags are for in future chapters, and I think I got everything, but I might have to add more later.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> So, if you've seen the Heathers movie or the Musical, here's a key for who's who:  
> Ray: Veronica, Ryan: JD, Meg: Heather Chandler (red), Barbara: Heather Duke (green), Ashley: Heather Mcnamara, Lindsay: Martha, Michael: Ram, Gavin: Kurt, Jack: Ram's dad, Geoff: Kurt's dad, Joel: Mrs. Flemming. Okay, I think that's it.  
> Each chapter will most likely correspond with a song, that I suggest you listen to. The first chapter is "Beautiful"  
> You can get to reading now.

Ray stood off to the side in the Hallway of Westerburg High writing in his diary.

September 1st, 1989

Dear Diary: _I believe I’m a good person. You know, I think there’s good in everyone. But, here we are, first day of senior year! I look around at all these kids I’ve known all my life and I ask myself “What happened”?_

All around him, he heard the cacophony of the surrounding students. “Freak, slut, burnout, bug-eyes, poser, lard ass!” They seemed to chorus.

_We were so tiny, happy and shiny, playing tag and getting chased. Singing and clapping, laughing and napping. Baking cookies, eating paste. Then we got bigger, that was the trigger, like the huns invading Rome._

Ray was interrupted from his writing as someone ran into him, knocking them both to the ground.

“Sorry!” Ray shouted.

“Get away, fag!” The person shouted back at him, walking away quickly. People all around him seemed to direct their insults at him just to shout “Homo, homo, homo!” This was no high school. It was more like the Thunderdome.

_I know we can be beautiful. Just not today. I’m counting the days until we graduate, but I’m likely to be dead by June. Once I get accepted to one of my collages, I can finally blow this town. He put away his diary._

A jock walked up to Ray and knocked over his lunch tray. “Oops.” He said. Michael Jones, third year as linebacker, and eighth year of smacking lunch trays, and being a huge dick. “What did you say to me, bitch?” Michael said, getting up close to Ray.

Ray shrank away. “Agh, nothing!” He didn’t know he said that out loud.

A girl with red hair walked up behind Ray, tapping his shoulder. “Aah!” He shouted. “Oh, hey Lindsay.”

“Hey.” She replied. Lindsay Tuggey had been Ray’s best friend since they were in diapers. “We on for movie night?”

“Yeah, you’re on Jiffy Pop detail.”

Lindsay nodded excitedly. “I rented the princess bride.”

“Again? Don’t you have it memorized by now?”

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for a happy ending.” Just then, another jock walked up and smacked the lunch tray from Lindsay’s hand.

“Lindsay Pugface! Wide Load! Honk!” Gavin Free, quarterback. He was the smartest guy on the football team. Ray thought that was probably just like being the tallest dwarf. Gavin thought that just because he was british, he was hot shit.

“Hey! Pick that up!” Ray shouted at Gavin. He turned around from where he was fist bumping Michael.

“Are you actually talking to me?” He asked, sounding almost genuinely confused about it.

“Yeah, I am. I want to know what makes you think you can talk to my friend like that. You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.” Ray was honestly feeling pretty good about his insult, but he was dumber than Gavin if he thought any of that meant anything in high school.

“You have a zit right there” Gavin retorted, pointing at Ray’s face. All the students within earshot laughed, and Ray stormed off to write in his journal again.

He wrote out all of the things he heard people ask themselves around school as if it was a sort of twisted poem.

Dear Diary:

_Why do they hate me?_

_Why don't I fight back?_

_Why do I act like such a creep?_

_Why won't he date me?_

_Why did I hit him?_

_Why do I cry myself to sleep?_

_Somebody hug me!_

_Somebody fix me!_

_Somebody save me!_

_Send me a sign, God!_

_Give me some hope here!_

_Something to live for!_

Just then, the room got suddenly quiet before whispering started up again. This time about three people in particular. The most popular girls in school.

Ashley Jenkins. Head cheerleader. Her dad's loaded - he sells engagement rings. She wore a small yellow bow on the top of her head.

Barbara Dunkleman. Runs the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants. She had a green bow holding up her ponytail.

And Meg Turney. The Almighty. She is a mythic bitch. She wore the red scrunchie that symbolized all power in the school.

They were never bothered or harassed. Ray could only imagine what that would be like. Everybody wanted to date them or be them. Sometimes both. Ray and Lindsay really just wished that they would be nicer.

Later, Ray walked past the girls bathroom right after class started. He stopped when he heard the group of girls in there. The most prominent sounds were Barbara throwing up in one of the stalls.

“Grow up Barb, Bulimia is so ‘87” Meg spoke up condescendingly.

“Maybe you should see a doctor Barb.” Ashley said.

“Yeah, maybe I should.” she smiled a bit, but then leaned back over the toilet again.

A teacher walked right past Ray and stood in the open entrance to the hallway. Mr. Heyman cleared his throat quickly before addressing them. “Ah, Meg and Ashley.” Just then, Barbara threw up a little more. “... And Barbara. Maybe you couldn’t hear the bell over all the vomiting? You’re late for class.”

Meg looked over at him and pouted. “Barb wasn’t feeling well. We’re helping her.”

“Not without a hall pass you’re not.” he said, clearly glad to have gotten them in trouble. “Week’s detention, all of you.”

Ray realized that this was his chance, and quickly scribbled down in his notebook then tore the page out. “Actually, Mr. Heyman, all four of us are out on a hall pass… Yearbook committee.” he said, handing it over. Mr. Heyman looked over it for a bit suspiciously before he decided it was good enough.

“Fine, get where you’re going.” he said, handing it back to Ray and walking off to look for more students.

Meg immediately tore it from his hands again and looked at it. “This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?” she asked in a way that almost seemed like attacking.

“Uh.. Ray! Ray Narvaez Jr.” He said, nearly forgetting his own name. “I crave a boon.”

“What boon?” She asked. At this point, even Barb was paying attention.

“Let me sit at your table at lunch, just once. If people think you guys tolerate me, they might leave me alone.”

“People say you’re gay right?” Ashley asked off to the side.

“Yeah.” Ray replied.

They started laughing, obviously not about to let a gay guy hang out with them. It’s not like he started denying the rumors after all.

“Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips and absence notes.” He said in a rush. He didn’t want to waste his chance.

“What about prescriptions?” Barbara asked.”

“God dammit Barb!” Meg shouted.

“Sorry Meg!” Barb said, flinching back.

“Well, for a greasy little no one, you do have good bone structure” Meg said, stepping up close to him to look at his face.

Almost immediately, Ashley was up in his face too. “And a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I’d have matching halves. That’s very important.” Ray backed away from her slowly.

“Of course you could stand to lose a few pounds” Barb chimed in.

“And you know… this could be beautiful.” Meg said, gesturing to Ray’s face, making him suddenly conscious of everything. “A haircut, maybe some new clothes, and we’re on our way.”

“For now we can use my brush” Ashley said, passing it over to Meg who started to violently brush Ray’s hair that was, admittedly, a little too long. He was at a loss for words, so he just let them do whatever.

At the end of that period, Ray walked with the girls through the halls, and all around him he heard the normal shouting of the students. But there would always be a hush as they approached. And then the whispering, but for once, it was whispering good things. When he was with them, he was untouchable.

Ray knew that life could be beautiful, and, finally, he knew how. Everything felt better as he walked through the halls to people saying his name in awe.


	2. Candy Store

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the song, you guessed it, "Candy store"! All of the dialogue in this chapter is taken practically straight from the song, so it probably doesn't read all that well, but I love this song too much to change it. I really suggest you listen to it. Anyway, here you go!

The next few days brought the three girls taking him to get a haircut, new clothes, and teaching him that he had to be mean to stay with them. After a while, he ran into Lindsay at lunch- literally.

“OW! Oh, sorry Lindsay!” He said helping her pick up the lunch tray that had fallen to the ground.

“Oh, hi Ray. You sure are handsome these days.” She said, looking at the ground. Ray felt bad for making her feel like Ray was suddenly better than her.

“Yeah, well, I’m still the same old me.” Ray said with an easy. He really missed Lindsay if he was being honest.

“Ar-Are you sure?” She asked, still looking down.

“Oh, i’m sorry I blew you off on movie night. Meg and the others needed some help with something.” It was a lame ass excuse.

“Oh no, don’t worry. You’re with them now. It’s oka-” she was cut off by Barb storming up.

“Ray, Meg says you better haul your ass to the lunch table ASAP.” She walked off and Ray followed her, giving a small apologetic wave.

As soon as Ray got to the table, Meg was on him. “I need you to write a note in Michael Jones’ handwriting. Ray needs something to write on, bend over Barb!”

Ray felt bad about using Barbara as a table when she immediately bent over, but he didn’t want to cross Meg, just like Barb herself.

“What should I write?” he asked, pulling Michael’s handwriting up in his mind.

“Hello beautiful. I’ve been watching you, and thinking about us in the old days. I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend. Missing you, Michael. Oh, and put an XO under the signature.” As Meg spoke in a mocking voice, Barb and Ashley giggled with each line. Ray finished the note and handed it to Meg, who got a wicked grin reading it over.

“Who is this for?” Ray asked, a little too late.

“Lindsay Pugface. I just learned she used to hang out with Michael Jones.” Ray did not like where this was going.

“Yeah in kindergarten. We all did.”

“Not all of us kissed on the kickball field.”

“Eww, can you imagine kissing Lindsay Pugface?” Barb commented. Ray knew Lindsay had a kind of intense thing for Michael. She would be crushed after all the teasing she would get from this.

“You can’t do that!” Ray shouted. He grabbed the note back from Meg.

Meg got very quiet speaking in a voice that was surprisingly scary. “Can’t I?” She asked. “It’ll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for months.”

“What about Lindsay? People will never leave her alone.” Ray knew it was no use, but he couldn’t let these people just hurt his best friend.

“Are we gonna have a problem?” Meg asked, her eyes sharp. “You’ve got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my DICK?” She was pissed now, and the other two were sure to back her up. Suddenly though, she put her cool demeanor back on. “I’d normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch. But I’m feeling nice, here’s some advice, listen up, Beyotch!”

All three of the girls surrounded him. Barb spoke first. “I like looking hot, buying stuff they cannot.”

Ashley went next “I like drinkin’ hard, maxin’ Dad’s credit card.”

“I like skipping gym, scaring her, screwing him” As Meg, she pointed off the Lindsay and then Gavin. “I like killer clothes, and kicking nerds in the nose!” It was clear that they had at least somewhat planned this.

Ray felt like he was in real trouble now, but he couldn’t do anything. Meg continued, loving how uncomfortable he was.

“If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls, let your mommy fix you a snack. Or you could come smoke, pound some rum and coke in my Porsha with the quarterback.” The others stayed surrounding him, but just let her continue on her rant. “All you have to do is prove you’re not a LOSER anymore.”

“Guys fall at your feet, pay the check, help you cheat.” Barb chimed in. “All you have to do is say goodby to Shamoo.” She pointed accusingly at Lindsay, who was oblivious to what was being said about her.

“That freak’s not your friend, I can tell in the end.” Ashley said.

“If she had your shot, she would leave you to rot!” Barbara exclaimed. Ray wondered, would Lindsay leave him behind? He wanted to say no, but he wasn’t sure, and it scared him.

“Course, if you don’t care, fine, go braid her hair. Maybe Sesame Street is on.” Ashley said.

“Or forget that creep and get in my jeep. Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn!” Barb walked past Ray as she said this, grabbing the note from him and dropping it on Lindsay’s tray. Ray went to go get it back, but they kept talking and trying to keep his attention away from Lindsay.

“You can join the team, or you can bitch and moan.” Ashley said, putting her hands on her hips and fake pouting.

“You can live the dream, or you can die alone.” Barb continued, mimicking Ashley’s pose.

“You can fly with eagles, or if you prefer, keep on testing me, and end up like her!” Meg pointed to Lindsay once again, who was now finishing the note from her tray. She ran up to Ray and started talking excitedly.

“Ray, look! Michael invited me to his homecoming party! See, I told you there was still something there!” She hit his arm lightly. “This proves he’s been thinking about me!”

Ray looked to the side to see the girls looking at him to see what he would do. He sighed. “Color me stoked.” He was going to hell.

“I’m so happy!” Lindsay shouted before running off. Ray walked back to the girls with shame.

“Welcome to my candy store.” Meg said with a grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I meant to have that out sooner, because I had it fully written almost immediately, but it took me forever to find the time to type it. Just thought I would mention, I think I'm gonna do a chapter for each song, so we're looking at probably around 20 chapters or so.


	3. Fight for Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not have just written another chapter really quick. This one is the song "Fight for Me", and you should watch the video for this one, because the slo mo fight is hilarious.

After all of that, Ray just wanted an uneventful lunch where he could sit and quietly hate Meg. Sadly, he just couldn’t have that.

After a while, he felt someone look at him. He glanced around the room and found… a really hot guy staring at him. When the mystery guy saw Ray looking, he smiled, and Ray smiled hesitantly back.

“Wow Ray, drool much?” Meg said. Ray whipped his head around to look at her. “We’re trying to get rid of the rumor you’re gay, not strengthen it.”

Ray waved his hand dismissively and stood up. He wanted to talk to this guy.

“Hey” Ray said, walking up to him.

“Salutations” The mystery guy replied, putting a small smile on his face. “Are you a popular kid?”

“No,”  Ray replied. “I’m just a Ray.” they stared at each other for a bit before Ray remembered to speak again. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“I didn’t throw it.” The guy replied easily. Just then, Michael and Gavin walked up and Gavin flung an arm around his broad shoulders.

“Hey, sweetheart! What’d your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood Ohio?” Ray rolled his eyes. Great gay joke moron. But he backed off. Knowing those two, it probably wouldn’t turn out that pretty.

Michael leaned on the guys other side, and spoke up as well. “My buddy Gav just asked you a question.”

“Hey, Michael, doesn’t this cafeteria have a no fags rule?” Gavin asked, trying to sound innocent.

“They seem to have an open policy for assholes though.” The guy replied. There was the vague sounds of ooh’s from the students around, and Michael and Gavin obviously weren’t happy with how their intimidation tactic was working out.

“Hold his arms” Michael said, starting to show signs of that rage he was so well known and feared for. Before Gavin could comply though, The mystery kid had already attacked.

All around, Ray could hear the students chorusing “Holy Shit!” He knocked down Gavin and, as he went to punch Michael straight in the jaw, everything seemed to slow down for Ray as he thought about the mystery guy who was the most interesting person he had met in a long time, and had smiled at Ray.

_Why is it, when you see boys fight, that it looks so horrible yet, feels so right? Ray thought to himself as he looked on at the frozen battle taking place. I shouldn’t watch this crap. That’s not who I am. But with this kid… damn. Hey, Mr. no-name-kid. So who might you be? And would you fight for me? And hey could you face the crowd? Could you be seen with me and still act proud? Hey could you hold my hand, and could you carry me through no man’s land? It’s fine if you don’t agree, but I would fight for you, if you would fight for me._

The fight started up again, if very slowly. As he watched The guy’s fist get closer to Michael’s face as he cowered, Ray continued to have his little fantasies about the guy he just met. _Let them drive us underground. I don’t care how far. You can set my broken bones, and I know CPR._ Meanwhile, His fist connected, and Michael crumpled to the ground.

_Well woah, you can fight real good, you lasted longer than I thought you would. So hey, Mr. no-name-kid, if some night you’re free, wanna fight for me?_ Gavin stood up and completely missed in a swing.   _If you’re still alive._ He grabbed Gavin’s head and headbutted him once, twice, three times. _I would fight for you, if you would fight for me._

The chorus of “Holy shit” started up again as the mystery kid walked away from a fight with Michael and Gavin without a single scratch.

“My name’s Ryan. Nice to meet you Ray.” The mystery kid- Ryan said, before he walked away.

Ray went to leave the cafeteria and caught a bit of Michael and Gavin’s conversation.

“He fought really well. He must be so ripped.” Gavin said.

“Fag!” Was Michael’s eloquent reply.

“Shut up!” Gavin spluttered. Ray just rolled his eyes. Like those two weren’t sucking each other’s dicks already.


	4. Freeze Your Brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning in this one for mentions of self harm. The song is freeze your brain, and I'm a bit attached because I'm gonna be performing it for school. Sorry this took a while by the way, I had a lot of stuff in school and they took down the video I was using for scenes between songs.

The next day, Ray went to go with the girls to Michael’s homecoming party. He didn’t particularly care for Michael, but he had never been to a popular kid’s party before, and he was curious what it would be like.

Before Meg picked him up, his mother pulled him aside. “Don’t let these popular girls change you.” She said, with a smile on her face, but her speech strained. “What for? I mean you have other friends- you have Lindsay.”

“Maybe I want more out of life, mom.” Ray replied. She wasn’t being obvious about it, but Ray knew it was another nudge for Ray and Lindsay to get together. Ray loved Lindsay, but he was gay. So, the comments weren’t appreciated.

Suddenly, Meg yelled from her car outside the house. “RAY! GET OUT HERE! WE’RE GOING TO THE PARTY!” Ray nodded to his mother and ran outside.

“Hey, you ready?” Ray asked with a fake smile, climbing into the back of the car where Barb already sat.

“First we’re stopping at the seven eleven so you can grab us some corn nuts.” Meg said. There was no choice to it. Ray just sighed and accepted it. Once they were at the store, Meg waited until Ray was in the store before honking the horn and shouting. “RAY! DON’T FORGET THE CORN NUTS! IT’S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT CORN NUTS!”

“Regular or BQ?” Ray shouted back.

“BQ!” Meg replied, if it was the most ridiculous question she had ever heard.

Ray bent down to grab them off a low shelf, and when he stood back up, Ryan was standing there, slurping on a slurpee. “Why, greetings and salutations.” He said. “Would you like a slurpee with that?”

“No, but if you’re nice, I’ll let you buy me a big gulp.” Ray said.

“C'mon, that’s like going to McDonalds and ordering a salad. It’s the special. Did you say cherry or lime?”

“I said Big Gulp.” Ryan smiled at that.

“So, what’s a badass like you doing in Sherwood Ohio?” Ray asked, referring to the incident with Michael and Gavin.

“It’s my Dad’s work.” He replied. “He owns a deconstruction company.” Ryan really didn’t sound too happy about it.

“De- construction?”

“He seems to enjoy tearing things down. Have you seen the commercial?” he suddenly put on a cartoonish voice. “My name’s Big Bud Dean! If it’s in the way, I’ll make your day!” He motioned jerking off, making Ray snort in a way he definitely didn’t want to around the guy he was crushing on hard.

“And then he pushes the plunger and the screen blows up?” Ray was full on cackling now. Ryan seemed to get some amusement from that. “That’s your dad?” Ray asked, managing to compose his voice to a point.

“In all his semi-psychotic glory.”

Ryan was about to say something else, but just then, a horn blared, and the most annoying voice ever yelled. “RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” She carried on the name once until it had a horrible croaking noise to it, and Ray and Ryan were both shielding their ears.

“Yeah, I… don’t really like my friends.” Ray said, going to grab some candy for himself.

“Yeah, I don’t like your friends either.” Ryan replied immediately with a grin. “Forget the party, and just… stay here.”

“Woah, Seven Eleven. Cool first date.” Ray said, and Ryan moved closer.

“Hey!” He sounded fake offended. “I love this place.”

“No offense, but, why?” Ray gestured around at the somewhat run down convenience store surrounding them.

“I’ve been through ten high schools. They start to get blurry. No point planting roots cause you’re gone in a hurry. My dad keeps the suitcases packed in the den, so it’s only a matter of when.” Ray knew he was getting into some deep shit now.

“I don’t learn the names, don’t bother with faces, all I can trust is this concrete oasis. Seems every time I’m about to despair, there’s a seven eleven right there. Each store is the same, from Las Vegas to Boston. Linoleum isles that I love to get lost in. I pray at my altar of slush.” He gestured to the slushie machine behind him. “Yeah I live for that sweet frozen rush!” He took a big sip from his slushie, and then grabbed his head in pain.

“Ow! Freeze your brain, suck on that straw, get lost in the pain. Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine! Care for a hit?” He asked, holding out the cup to Ray.

“Does your mommy know you eat all this crap?” He asked, turning it down.

“Not anymore” Ryan replied simply. _Great going_ , Ray thought to himself.

“When mom was alive, we lived halfway normal. Now, it’s just me and my dad. We’re less formal. I learned to cook pasta and pay rent, I learned the world doesn’t owe you a cent. Take you for instance. You’re planning your future, Ray Narvaez Jr. You’ll go to some college, marry a lawyer. But the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls, so you better start building some walls. So go on! Freeze your brain, shatter your skull. Fight pain with more pain! Forget who you are, unburden your load, forget that in six weeks you’ll be back on the road.” Ryan looked almost lost in his thoughts at this point. “When the voice in your head says you’re better off dead, don’t open a vein. Just freeze your brain.”

Ray moved forward about half a step as if to comfort him, but Ryan snapped out of it first, holding the slushie out to Ray once again. “Try it” he said, smiling once again.

Ray took the offered cup and took a long sip from it. He waited for a few seconds, and nothing. He started to turn to Ryan “Yeah, I don’t really see wha- OH SON OF A BITCH!” He exclaimed when it hit him. Before he could even recover though, Meg had walked into the store.

“Ray! Get your ass in the car, now!” She shouted, before turning around and walking out in a huff. Ray shot Ryan an apologetic look and followed her out of the store.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I don't have a schedule or anything, but I plan to update a lot.


End file.
